The Mel Robbins Podcast

The Futility of Forced Happiness We often enter relationships under the heavy illusion that our partner’s emotional state is our personal responsibility. We believe that if we just find the right words, perform the right chores, or provide enough support, we can manufacture their contentment. This is a burden that neither of you should carry. You can make the bed, you can make the coffee, and you can make the reservations, but you cannot make another person happy. Happiness is an internal job. Attempting to manage it for someone else leads to exhaustion and resentment. Pressure Breeds Resistance When we see someone we love stagnating, our instinct is to push. We want them to grow, to evolve, and to meet us at a new level of awareness. However, external pressure rarely sparks internal change. Instead of movement, pressure creates friction. Your partner won't change because you demand it; they will change only when they feel the internal nudge to do so. Forcing growth isn't leadership in a relationship; it's control, and it almost always backfires by creating deep-seated resistance. The Power of Self-Investment The most radical thing you can do for your partnership is to turn your gaze inward. Stop tracking your partner's progress and start measuring your own. By investing in your own growth and joy, you become a more vibrant contributor to the relationship. You bring a healthier, more fulfilled version of yourself to the table, which serves as a far more effective invitation for growth than any lecture ever could. Choosing Compatibility Over Commitment As you evolve, you may find your partner remains stationary. This creates a shift in perspective. You stop questioning your level of commitment and start questioning your fundamental compatibility. You must eventually ask if you can sustain a life with someone exactly as they are right now. This realization isn't a failure; it’s a necessary assessment of whether your trajectories still align for the long haul.