The Grandmother Treatment: A Study in Platonic Deselection While the concept of the friend zone describes a woman's decision to categorize a male suitor as non-romantic, Ryan Long argues that men employ a distinct psychological maneuver known as the **grandmother treatment**. This social dynamic involves stripping all sexual subtext from an interaction to maintain peace or social order. Unlike a standard friendship, which might still carry a faint undercurrent of attraction, the grandmother treatment creates an impenetrable barrier. You treat the person with polite, sterile kindness—much like you would an elderly relative—ensuring that no romantic or sexual tension can ever take root. Strategic Aversion and the Social Shield Men often deploy this tactic in high-stakes social environments where romantic entanglement would be catastrophic. Chris Williamson notes that this is particularly relevant for coworkers, a friend's ex-girlfriend, or a woman your close friend is actively pursuing. By adopting the grandmother treatment, a man effectively "detaches" his sexual identity from the room. He becomes the "gay best friend" archetype or the harmless observer. This isn't just politeness; it is a calculated defense mechanism designed to prevent social friction and preserve reputation in tight-knit communities like Austin or professional circles. Psychological Ownership of Thoughts A fascinating divergence exists in how genders perceive their internal monologues. Ryan Long suggests men view their intrusive or aggressive thoughts as a separate, unreliable entity—a "piece of [ __ ] friend" they must constantly manage. Conversely, he observes that women often treat their thoughts like an abusive ex-boyfriend, defending irrational or emotionally charged ideas with intense loyalty. This difference explains why men might more easily categorize others into the grandmother zone; they are used to telling their own impulses to be quiet. The Groggy Defense: Strategic Ignorance Beyond categorization, social evasion often takes the form of the "groggy tired guy." This persona allows individuals to dodge accountability or difficult relationship milestones by feigning exhaustion or mental fog. Ryan Long points out that this tactic is prevalent among public figures, such as rappers in interviews, who use a persona of being "out of it" to avoid prying questions. Whether in a relationship or a media scrum, pretending you aren't fully present serves as a powerful shield against unwanted confrontation.
Ryan Long
People
Chris Williamson (6 mentions) hosts Ryan Long to debate social friction in "Is It Possible To Put Women In The Friend Zone?" and "The American Diversity Dilemma."
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The Erosion of Relational Authenticity Digital platforms change more than just how we consume content; they rewire how we perceive human value. The rise of OnlyFans creates a marketplace where intimacy is transactional, leading to a profound shift in expectations. While constant access to porn has long been criticized for deforming men’s views of women, a similar phenomenon now impacts women. Access to high-paying, digitally-mediated attention can distort a woman’s understanding of male behavior, often reducing an entire gender to a source of financial validation or "simping." The Cowboy Lifestyle and Mental Resilience Ryan%20Long argues that the "cowboy lifestyle"—an alternative, non-traditional path characterized by high risks and social outliers—is not for everyone. Many seek to normalize fringe lifestyles without possessing the psychological fortitude to handle the fallout. In the world of digital sex work or high-level comedy, the pressure to maintain a persona while navigating a sea of disposable interactions requires intense focus. Without a strong internal compass, these paths lead to isolation or resentment rather than the freedom they promise. Power Dynamics in the Public Square Gender dynamics play out vividly in performance spaces, where authority is often coded as masculine. Ryan%20Long notes that commanding a room is an inherently assertive act, which changes how audiences receive male versus female performers. These social rules mirror real-life interactions, where a woman might playfully challenge someone at a bar with zero repercussions, while a man doing the same risks immediate conflict. Understanding these unwritten scripts is vital for anyone looking to bridge the gap between their public identity and their authentic self. The Psychopathy of Abundance Extreme abundance, whether in wealth or sexual attention, often breeds a "psychopathic" detachment. When people become disposable commodities, the ability to form deep, meaningful bonds withers. This is visible in the behavior of high-status figures who treat individuals as "candidates" for a night, or digital creators who view their audience solely through a monetary lens. True growth requires resisting this pull toward commodification and recognizing the inherent dignity in every individual, regardless of the digital noise surrounding us.
Jul 9, 2021