Miriam Cates

The War on Spontaneous Connection Our modern lives are increasingly defined by the systematic removal of human friction. We have entered a period characterized by a war on relationships, where organic, unmediated interpersonal interactions are being replaced by market-driven alternatives. This shift isn't merely a byproduct of convenience; it represents a fundamental reordering of how we relate to one another. When we look at the South Korean "untact" policy—a deliberate governmental push to eliminate human contact in libraries, shops, and service sectors—we see the logical conclusion of a productivity-at-all-costs mindset. By automating the "messy" parts of life, we are inadvertently stripping away the very micro-interactions that sustain our psychological well-being. This phenomenon extends far beyond the supermarket checkout. We have allowed the market to colonize our most intimate desires. Instead of meeting and falling in love through the organic happenstance of physical presence, we are funneled into dating apps that promote a sense of endless optionality. This digital meat market discourages genuine commitment by whispering that a better version of your partner is always one swipe away. We are unplugging our natural longing for connection and plugging it into a form of limbic capitalism, where our biological drives are harvested for corporate profit. The pandemic only accelerated this trend, banning spontaneous social gatherings while exempting market-driven interactions. We were told we couldn't sing in church or play in parks, but we could certainly keep our credit cards active on Zoom or OnlyFans. This has created a landscape where the only valid human connection is one that can be monetized. The Failure of the Sexual Revolution The Sexual Revolution was sold as a path to liberation, a way for women to escape restrictive norms and achieve a paradise of non-exploitative sex. However, the long-term results tell a different story. By attempting to liquefy all courtship rituals and sexual norms, we haven't achieved a feminist utopia; instead, we have witnessed the rise of endemic intimate violence and a multi-billion dollar porn industry. This failure stems from a refusal to acknowledge inherent biological differences between the sexes. At scale, men and women often prioritize different things and exhibit different behaviors. Ignoring these differences under the guise of progress hasn't empowered women—it has left them more vulnerable. One of the most profound "self-owns" of modern feminism was the assault on chivalry. Chivalry, while often dismissed as condescending, functioned as a set of social codes designed to restrain male physical dominance and protect women. When you erode these guardrails in the name of total equality, you don't necessarily get more respect; you often get a normalization of violence in the bedroom. We see this today in the mainstreaming of choking and "rough sex," behaviors that have been rebranded as kinky but frequently mask genuine abuse. The introduction of the pill also had unintended consequences. Before reliable contraception, the risk of pregnancy gave women a socially acceptable, material reason to say no. Now, women often feel a pressure to comply with sexual demands out of a sense of politeness, as the "consequence" of pregnancy has been removed. This hasn't led to more freedom—it has led to a landscape where saying no feels more difficult than ever. The Law of FAP Entropy and Digital Contagion Technology has not only rewired our dating lives but also our neurology. The phenomenon of "FAP entropy" describes the downward spiral of digital consumption: what used to provide a thrill eventually becomes boring, forcing the user to seek out increasingly extreme or niche content to achieve the same dopamine hit. This isn't just a personal failing; it is a neurological hijacking. We are seeing a generation of men who are "wanking themselves into paralysis," finding themselves unable to form intimate bonds with real humans because their brains have been calibrated for hyper-niche digital stimuli. This digital influence extends to the social realm through psychological contagions. On TikTok, we are seeing an epidemic of "TikTok ticks," where young girls develop Tourette’s-like symptoms that mirror those of high-status influencers. This suggests that the internet is serving as a vector for mimetic social behavior that bypasses the conscious mind. These are the new "youth subcultures"—not groups formed by a shared love of music or local geography, but groups formed through shared psychological pathologies delivered via algorithm. We are losing the "before times" alchemy of boredom and physical proximity that allowed healthy subcultures to emerge, replaced by a rapid-fire meme-to-merchandise cycle that leaves no room for genuine countercultural growth. The Decline of Single-Sex Spaces To repair the rift between the sexes, we must reconsider the value of single-sex spaces. One of the most disastrous shifts in recent decades has been the shrinking of environments where men can simply be with other men. Unless involved in competitive sports, there are few places left for men to talk amongst themselves without the moderating presence of women. This isn't about excluding women from power; it is about recognizing that men and women have different social needs and communication styles. When men lose these spaces, they lose a vital support network, a factor that contributes to the rising male suicide rate and a general sense of purposelessness. Suffering is not a zero-sum game. Acknowledging that men are struggling doesn't detract from the challenges women face. However, the current discourse often treats male vulnerability as something that must be "manned up" or dismissed as "small dick energy." If we want healthy relationships, we need healthy individuals, and that requires allowing both sexes the space to cultivate their own identities away from the transactional nature of the modern dating market. We should lean into the reality that people enjoy power dynamics and distinct roles rather than trying to force everyone into a sterile, egalitarian mold that satisfies no one. Pedestalizing the Family Institution The path forward requires a re-sacralization of our intimate lives. This starts with putting marriage back on a pedestal, not as a tool for patriarchal control, but as a protective institution that wraps relationships in something larger than quantifiable metrics. We have turned dating into a performance of Instagram follower counts and career success, losing sight of the qualities that make a good parent or a reliable life partner. We need to "abolish big romance"—the idealized, market-driven version of love—and replace it with a focus on family solidarity and community. Governments currently treat women primarily as economic units, competing to see who can offer the most childcare so that mothers can spend more time working. This ignores the reality that many women, if given the choice, would prefer to spend more time at home with their children. True progress isn't forcing every woman to be a "Girlboss"; it is creating a society where the vital work of raising the next generation is valued as much as a corporate career. We must recognize that humans cannot be remodeled to fit an engineering problem. We are irrational, biological beings who need deep, unmediated connection to thrive. Reclaiming our humanity from the digital and market forces that seek to monetize it is the primary challenge of our age.