The Quiet Evolution of the Male Conversation For decades, discussing the specific challenges facing boys and men felt like navigating a minefield without a map. In the early 2020s, the "permission space" for this dialogue was remarkably narrow. Richard Reeves, founder of the American Institute for Boys and Men, experienced this firsthand when he couldn't find a single publisher for his work in 2020. The topic was deemed too controversial, often lumped in with reactionary "men's rights" rhetoric that frequently masked underlying misogyny. However, a significant shift has occurred. When Barack Obama included Of Boys and Men on his annual reading list, it signaled a cooling of the cultural temperature. This wasn't a sudden spike in interest but a compounding growth of awareness. The conversation has moved from the fringes of the "manosphere" into the mainstream of policy and social science. This cooling is essential because it allows for an "accuracy budget"—a concept popularized by Eric Weinstein—where thinkers can play with complex ideas in public without every imprecise word being interpreted as a moral failing or a "mask drop" of bigotry. The Lethal State of Unneededness The most harrowing data point in the current male landscape is the surge in "deaths of despair." While the suicide rate among middle-aged men has historically been the primary concern, a new and tragic trend has emerged since 2010: a 33% increase in suicide among men under the age of 30. This shift suggests that the crisis is no longer just about the dislocation of the traditional working class; it is about a fundamental lack of purpose among the younger generation. Reeves identifies a "male sedation hypothesis" to explain why we don't see more externalized violence given these trends. Instead of lashing out, many men are checking out. They are retreating into pornography, video games, and, most lethally, opioids. In the US, the increase in drug poisoning deaths since 2001 is equivalent to the number of men lost in World War II. These are not "party drugs"; they are drugs of retreat. At the heart of this retreat is the feeling of being unneeded. Historically, the supply of "neededness" for men was tied to the provider-protector model. As women have rightfully expanded their own domains of neededness into the workforce and leadership, the traditional male role has been evacuated without being replaced. When a person believes the world is better off without them, or simply indifferent to their presence, it becomes a fatal psychological state. For divorced men, the suicide rate is eight times higher than for divorced women, largely because men often lose their entire social fabric—which was frequently maintained by their wives—overnight. Zero-Sum Empathy and the Caveat Trap A primary hurdle in advocating for men is the "zero-sum view of empathy." This is the persistent but false belief that any attention paid to the struggles of boys and men inherently subtracts from the progress of women and girls. It treats empathy like a finite natural resource rather than an expanding capacity. This mindset forces advocates into a "permanent tempering" of their talking points. Every statement about male suicide or educational failure must be prefaced with a laundry list of caveats acknowledging female struggles. While Chris Williamson finds this requirement exhausting and asymmetrical—noting that pro-female influencers are rarely required to mention male suicide rates—Reeves views it as the "cost of doing business." To be persuasive in mainstream institutions like the CDC or the White House, one must perform "tonal work." This involves recognizing the discomfort of the audience and preparing the ground with nuance. If an advocate comes across as angry or frustrated, their message is immediately dismissed as "reactionary," regardless of the validity of their data. The goal is to avoid the "purity spiral" where only the most aggressive or the most apologetic voices are heard, leaving the sensible middle ground empty. The Paper Ceiling and Economic Stagnation The economic reality for working-class men is one of profound stagnation. Adjusted for inflation, wages for men without a college degree have remained basically flat since 1979. This is not just a story of lost manufacturing jobs; it is a story of a "paper ceiling." As degrees become the default filter for employment, men—who are now significantly less likely to finish college than women—are being locked out of growth sectors like healthcare and education. In the poorest households, the gender gap in college enrollment is a staggering 16 percentage points. This leads to a massive class gap in family formation. Only half of men without a college degree in their 30s and 40s live in a household with children, compared to 80% in 1980. This separation from the family unit further degrades a man's sense of responsibility and connection to the future. Systemic solutions must include a massive investment in apprenticeships and vocational training. The US currently sits at the bottom of the OECD in this regard. Furthermore, there must be a concerted effort to "HEAL" (Health, Education, Administration, Literacy) the workforce by encouraging men to enter traditionally female-dominated professions. This isn't just about jobs; it's about putting men in roles where they can serve as mentors and coaches, creating a virtuous cycle of engagement. Redefining Therapy and Mentorship The mental health profession is currently "coded" as feminine, making it less accessible to men who may not respond to traditional face-to-face talk therapy. Many men prefer "shoulder-to-shoulder" interaction. This is why the Men's Sheds movement and sports coaching are so effective; they provide a space where men can talk while doing something else, such as fixing a lawnmower or playing Pickleball. There is also a dire need for positive male mentors who are not viewed through a lens of suspicion. Scott Galloway has noted that our society has developed an "ick" response to older men mentoring younger boys who are not their sons, driven by horror stories that represent a tiny fraction of interactions. This suspicion has created a vacuum filled by "renegade geniuses" and digital patriarchs. To counter this, we must valorize "mature masculinity"—the ability to regulate one's behavior and provide for others—over both the "toxic" extremes and the "sedated" retreat. As John Stuart Mill observed, we almost always share the truth between us; the path forward requires integrating the best of both traditional strength and modern emotional intelligence. Conclusion The crisis of modern men is an institutional and structural failure, not a personal one. When we ask "what is wrong with him" instead of "what is wrong with the school," we miss the opportunity for genuine growth. By focusing on data-driven solutions in education, labor, and mental health, and by moving past the zero-sum view of empathy, we can build a society where no demographic feels surplus to requirements. The future of masculinity lies in being needed, and the work of the American Institute for Boys and Men suggests that while the road is long, the cultural temperature is finally right for the journey.
John Stuart Mill
People
Chris Williamson (8 mentions) cites John Stuart Mill in "What They Don't Want You To Know About Cancel Culture" to argue that understanding opposing views remains vital for navigating current social polarization.
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The Mirror of the Mind: Why We Wrestle with Ethics When we engage with philosophical thought experiments, we aren't just playing a game of 'what if.' We are peering into the very mechanics of our identity. Alex O'Connor, a prominent voice in modern philosophy, suggests that the point of these questions isn't necessarily to find a definitive answer—because for many, no such answer exists. Instead, the value lies in self-discovery. When you feel that visceral 'no' in response to a moral dilemma, you are experiencing a unique psychological state. It is distinct from sadness or anxiety; it is a moral intuition that defines how you relate to the world. Studying ethics rarely makes someone a 'better' person in the sense of pure altruism. In fact, it can occasionally make people more adept at rationalizing their own questionable behavior. However, it provides a map of the internal landscape. By challenging our assumptions through extreme scenarios, we begin to see where our values originate. This journey is personal and non-transferable. While science builds upon the discoveries of previous generations—iterating on the wheel until we reach the microchip—ethics requires every individual to rediscover the same truths for themselves. You cannot inherit moral wisdom; you must forge it through the fire of your own experiences and reflections. The Emotional Foundation: Understanding Ethical Emotivism One of the most provocative stances O'Connor takes is his subscription to Ethical Emotivism. This theory, championed by A.J. Ayer in his seminal work Language, Truth and Logic, posits that moral statements aren't actually facts about the world. They aren't 'true' or 'false' in the way that 'this chair exists' is a proposition. Instead, saying 'murder is wrong' is functionally the same as saying 'Boo! Murder!' followed by an angry emoji. It is an expression of emotion rather than a piece of empirical data. This doesn't mean morality is frivolous. It means that our rationalizations—the long chains of logic we build to justify our actions—are often just secondary structures built on top of a primal emotional response. When we argue about Utilitarianism, we often use logic to defend a feeling we already had. If a theory suggests we should kill one healthy person to harvest their organs and save five others, and we recoil in horror, we aren't usually starting with a logical proof of why that's wrong. We start with the 'gross' factor—the emotional 'ew'—and then hunt for the logic to back it up. Acknowledging this doesn't weaken our morality; it forces us to be honest about the emotional intelligence required to navigate life. The Calculus of Suffering: Limits of the Utilitarian Model Most secular ethics begin with the premise of minimizing suffering. This seems like a straightforward, objective goal. However, when we apply a Reductio ad Absurdum to this logic, it begins to fracture. Consider the 'Rash Doctor' experiment. A doctor has two pills. Pill A has a 99.9% chance of killing the patient agonizingly but a 0.1% chance of 100% recovery. Pill B has a 99.9% chance of 99% recovery but a 0.1% chance of painless death. If the doctor chooses Pill A and it happens to work, did they do the 'right' thing? If we only care about the actual outcome (Actualist Utilitarianism), we have to say yes. But our intuition screams no. This leads us to Probabilistic Utilitarianism—the idea that we must act on what is *likely* to cause the least suffering. Yet, even this becomes a trap. If we spent every waking moment performing a 'hedonic calculus' to ensure our every word and movement maximized pleasure for the world, we would become paralyzed. We would be so focused on the math of morality that we would fail to live. This suggests that the best way to be a utilitarian is, paradoxically, to not always act like one. We create 'Rule Utilitarianism'—broad guidelines like 'don't steal'—because following these rules generally leads to better outcomes than trying to calculate the impact of every individual theft. The Ghost in the Machine: Free Will and Moral Responsibility Perhaps the most unsettling challenge to our mindset is the dismantling of free will. If we are biological machines, governed by brain chemistry and physics, can we truly be 'responsible' for our actions? O'Connor points to the famous case of a man whose sudden pedophilic urges were found to be caused by a massive brain tumor pressing against his prefrontal cortex. When the tumor was removed, the urges vanished. When it grew back, they returned. This forces a radical shift in how we view resilience and character. If we feel sorry for the man with the tumor because 'it wasn't him,' we must ask: what is the 'him' that remains? If your 'good' behavior is simply the result of a brain that *doesn't* have a tumor, or a brain that was lucky enough to have a stable upbringing, are you actually 'better' than the criminal? Or are you just luckier? This moves us away from Retributive Justice—the desire to make people suffer because they 'deserve' it—and toward Rehabilitative Justice. We stop looking at criminals as evil spirits and start looking at them as broken machines or victims of their own biology. This doesn't mean we let them roam free; we still confine a tornado to protect a city, but we don't 'blame' the wind for being the wind. Merit, Luck, and the Illusion of Fairness In our quest for personal growth, we often worship the idea of Meritocracy. We believe that those who work hard and use their intelligence deserve their success. But Michael Sandel argues in The Tyranny of Merit that this is just another form of luck. If you think it's unfair for a 'legacy' student to get into Harvard University because of their father's money, why is it 'fair' for another student to get in because of their high IQ? They didn't choose their genes any more than the rich kid chose their inheritance. When we flatten society to provide 'equal opportunity,' we actually create a more brutal world. In a world of perfect opportunity, the only reason you fail is because of your innate nature—your 'shitty genetics,' as Chris Williamson puts it. This realization should humble us. It suggests that our achievements aren't entirely our own, and our failures aren't entirely our fault. It calls for a mindset of compassion rather than judgment. Whether we are discussing smokers in a healthcare queue or geniuses in elite colleges, we must recognize that the lines of 'culpability' are often blurred by factors entirely beyond an individual's control. The Divine Dilemma: Grounding the Good Finally, for those who look to a higher power for moral certainty, the Euthyphro Dilemma remains an insurmountable wall. Is something good because God commands it, or does God command it because it is good? If it is the former, then morality is arbitrary—if God commanded that cruelty was good, it would be. If it is the latter, then there is a standard of 'Good' that exists independently of God, meaning God is not the ultimate source of morality. This leads us back to the realization that whether you are an atheist, a theist, a utilitarian, or a deontologist, you are ultimately the one standing at the helm of your own moral ship. Thought experiments don't give us the answers, but they do give us the tools to understand the weight of our choices. Growth happens when we stop looking for a simple rulebook and start embracing the complexity of being a conscious, feeling being in an indifferent universe. We act not because we have solved the math of the universe, but because we have the courage to decide what kind of 'expression of emotion' we want our lives to be.
Jun 9, 2022The Trap of Collective Grievance When we reduce human experience to a series of check-boxed identities, we lose the essence of what makes us unique. Modern political movements often focus on Intersectionality and group grievances, creating a culture where people are encouraged to stay in their lanes. This approach doesn't foster connection; it breeds resentment. By categorizing people primarily by their race or sexuality, we unintentionally rehabilitate the very racial thinking that earlier generations fought to dismantle. True growth requires looking past the surface to the depth of a person's character. The Psychology of the Radical Cult Many individuals caught in the "woke" movement act with noble intentions. They see injustice and feel a profound urge to fix it. However, when these movements become dogmatic, they function like a cult. Critical thinking vanishes, replaced by a rigid set of beliefs that participants must follow to remain in good standing. This ideological purity test makes it impossible to have honest conversations. When you can guess every single one of a person's views based on one stated principle, that person has stopped thinking for themselves and started letting the collective do it for them. Ammunition for the Far-Right The most dangerous consequence of extreme identitarianism is the vacuum it creates. When you tell working-class individuals that they are inherently privileged or toxic, you alienate them. This alienation is a gift to the far-right. Extremist groups thrive when they can present themselves as a more moderate or welcoming alternative to a left-wing that appears to despise its own electorate. Protecting our social fabric requires us to recognize that shaming people into submission only pushes them into the arms of truly radical actors. Reclaiming the Sovereign Individual John Stuart Mill famously championed the individual as sovereign. To move forward, we must return to this principle. We need to restore the art of mockery and reasonable political conversation. It should be acceptable to challenge dogmas and even adopt interesting ideas from the "other side" without being labeled a traitor to one's group. Resilience and emotional intelligence are found in the ability to hold nuanced views and to be surprised by the thoughts of others. It is time to step out of the ideological bunkers and start seeing the human being across from us.
May 19, 2020The Collapse of Meaning and the Rise of the Crowd We are living through a historical anomaly. For the first time, a large portion of the human population exists without a unifying grand narrative. In the past, religious frameworks or robust political ideologies provided a map for existence. Today, those maps have burned. The collapse of organized religion and the failure of 20th-century political utopias have left a vacuum where meaning used to reside. When people lose their sense of purpose, they don't simply become rational actors; they look for new dogmas to fill the void. This is the psychological bedrock of what we now call identity politics. Movements like The Madness of Crowds suggest that the social justice movement and intersectionality are not merely political shifts, but secular religions. They provide a new hierarchy, a new set of sins, and a new way to achieve moral status. However, this new system is built on incredibly unstable foundations. Instead of pursuing the liberal goal of equality, we have flipped the barstool, attempting to base our entire societal structure on characteristics that were once considered incidental to the content of a person's character. The Fragile Alliance of the Alphabet Soup One of the most profound misconceptions in modern discourse is the idea of a monolithic "LGBTQ+ community." In reality, the interests of these groups are often in direct opposition. The history of gay rights was once a distinct movement focused on the private rights of consenting adults. When Douglas Murray analyzes the amalgamation of these groups, he points out that lesbians and gay men often have very little in common beyond a shared history of societal exclusion. Adding the "T" for trans into this mix has created a tectonic shift. We are seeing a civil war within these categories that the mainstream media often refuses to cover. For instance, many gay men and lesbians are increasingly concerned about the medicalization of children who exhibit gender non-conformity. Statistics suggest that a high percentage of children diagnosed with gender dysphoria eventually grow out of it and realize they are simply gay or lesbian. By pushing hormone blockers and surgical interventions, we may be performing a new kind of conversion therapy on children who would have otherwise grown up to be healthy gay adults. The tension between trans activists and feminists—or trans activists and the gay community—reveals that the "interlocking" nature of these rights is a convenient fiction rather than a biological or social reality. The Impossible Demands of Modern Gender Etiquette Relationships between the sexes have become a source of profound confusion and, increasingly, resentment. We have entered an era of "impossible demands." A primary example is the cultural expectation surrounding female sexuality. Women are encouraged to be as sexual as they wish—exemplified by the hyper-sexualized imagery of pop stars like Nicki Minaj—while simultaneously demanding that they never be sexualized by the male gaze. This creates a psychological trap for men. If a woman enters the "sex game" by utilizing overt sexual signals, yet the rules state that any male response is predatory, the game becomes unplayable. The result is not a safer society, but a more sterile and fearful one. Many young men are choosing to exit the arena entirely, deciding that the risk of a misstep is far greater than the reward of connection. We have abandoned the realm of manners and common sense for a bureaucratic, legalistic approach to human interaction. When we pretend that we don't understand the basic archetypes of attraction and flirting that have existed for millennia, we lose the ability to pass on social wisdom to the next generation. Overcorrection and the Zero-Sum Game Growth requires acknowledging past wrongs, but true resilience requires knowing when to stop. We have moved past the goal of equal treatment and into a phase of overcorrection. There is a growing sentiment that in order for a marginalized group to thrive, the perceived "oppressor" group must be punished. This manifests as a desire to make white men, for example, feel the sting of the racism or exclusion that occurred in the past as a form of cosmic rebalancing. This is a zero-sum game that leads to societal decay. It treats human beings as representatives of a category rather than as individuals. When we prioritize group identity over individual merit, we down-regulate the value of actual achievement. If a person is hired or celebrated primarily because they are the "first X" to do something, it casts a shadow over their genuine talent. We must ask ourselves: how will we know when we have overcorrected? Who has the authority to declare that equality has been reached? Without a clear "stop" sign, the pendulum will continue to swing until it breaks the clock. Beyond Harmlessness: A Call for Greatness The most damaging byproduct of this era is the elevation of "harmlessness" as the ultimate virtue. We are being conditioned to believe that the ideal life is one where we emit no carbon, offend no one, and never leave our assigned lanes. This is a poverty of ambition. History is not built by people who were merely harmless; it is built by people who were extraordinary, inventive, and brave enough to think out loud. To move forward, we must stop staring at our own navels and start looking toward the horizon. The 21st century offers more potential for human flourishing than any era that preceded it. We should be using our cognitive energy to solve grand challenges and create lasting beauty rather than bickering over the ever-shifting rules of identity politics. The aim of a meaningful life is to be great, to be loving, and to be inventive. We must have the courage to burst out of our lanes and recognize that our inherent strength lies not in our group identity, but in our capacity to transcend it.
Oct 7, 2019