Carl Pillemer

Introduction: Designing Your Life by Choice Most people enter a new year with a vague sense of hope and a list of resolutions that vanish by February. They treat their future like a lottery ticket, hoping for better circumstances without examining the patterns that brought them to the present. An amazing year does not happen by chance; it happens by choice. This guide outlines a research-backed, six-question year-end ritual used by Mel Robbins for over two decades. By looking backward with radical honesty before stepping forward, you can extract the wisdom necessary to transform your life from the inside out. Tools and Materials Needed To complete this exercise effectively, you should gather specific resources to bypass the fallibility of memory: * **The Companion Workbook:** A 20-page guide available at melrobins.com/bestyear. * **Your Smartphone:** You will use your camera roll as a factual record of the last 12 months. * **Your Calendar:** To track time allocation and missed or kept commitments. * **A Quiet Space:** Dedicate 60–90 minutes for deep reflection. * **Writing Utensil and Paper:** For those who prefer tactile processing over digital entry. Step-by-Step Instructions: The Six Questions Step 1: Face the Low Points Begin by scrolling through your camera roll from January through December. Ask yourself: **What were the low points of your year?** Do not ignore the "dumpster fire" moments. Identify what drained you, what broke your heart, and what knocked you down. Research from UC Irvine and Penn State suggests that acknowledging these negative emotions—rather than shoving them down—is critical for physical health and psychological distancing. When you name your struggles, you free your body from carrying the subconscious weight of them into the future. Step 2: Claim Your High Moments As you continue through your photos, look for the light. Ask: **What were the high moments?** These aren't always flashy milestones. They are often small snippets of joy: a specific book, a sunrise walk, or a laugh with a friend. These highlights act as data points, revealing what you are willing to work for and what truly lights you up. Claiming these wins builds the confidence necessary to pursue more of them. Step 3: Extract the Lessons Learned Analyze the data from the first two questions. Ask: **What did I learn about myself this year?** Maybe you learned you are more resilient than you thought, or perhaps you realized you can no longer tolerate a specific toxic relationship. This step turns random experiences into functional wisdom. If you were lonely, the lesson might be that you must stop waiting for others to call and start initiating plans yourself. Step 4: Identify What to Stop Winners quit all the time—not out of fear, but out of alignment. Ask: **What will I stop doing?** This is about subtraction before addition. Identify habits, expectations, or projects that drain your energy. Whether it is doomscrolling, people-pleasing, or making excuses about your health, identifying a "stop" list creates the mental and physical space required for growth. Step 5: Commit to What to Continue Examine what worked well. Ask: **What will I continue doing?** This reinforces positive momentum. If a daily walk improved your mood, commit to it as a non-negotiable. If using a framework like the Let Them Theory brought you peace, double down on that practice. Consistency in your successes is the bedrock of a great year. Step 6: Define What to Start Finally, look toward the future. Ask: **What will I start doing?** This is where you set your vision. A "start" can be as small as a 30-minute earlier bedtime or as large as launching a new company like Pure Genius. Writing these intentions down transforms them from idle dreams into a tangible reality. It creates a bridge between your current self and the person you want to become. Tips and Troubleshooting * **Don't Trust Your Brain:** Your memory is biased toward recent events. Always use your phone’s camera roll and your calendar to ground your reflection in reality. * **Avoid Self-Shaming:** View your low points as a scientist, not a judge. Self-awareness is the starting point for change, but shame is a paralyzing weight that prevents it. * **Leverage Intrinsic Motivation:** Ensure your goals are deeply personal. Don't set a goal because the internet says you should; set it because your 12-month review showed you exactly why you need it for your own happiness. * **Connect the Dots:** California State University research shows that connecting who you were to who you want to be increases your bond with your future self, making you more likely to exercise and act with intention. Conclusion: The Power of the Starting Point By the end of this ritual, you will have moved beyond vague resolutions into a strategic roadmap. You cannot create directions for where you want to go unless you know where you are starting from. This process provides that starting point. The benefit of this work is a life of intention rather than reaction. You will enter the new year with clarity, purpose, and the evidence-based confidence that you have the power to choose your path.