Birmingham

The Hunt for Cheap Luxury Ends in a Hearse When you set out to buy a "luxury" vehicle for under £1500, you expect to find high-mileage German executive saloons, tatty British cruisers, or perhaps a sketchy American import. You do not expect to buy an eight-seat, coachbuilt funeral vehicle. Yet, when the budget is tight and the destination is Belgium, conventional wisdom goes straight out the window. Under the hood of any machine, engineering precision matters, but so does the sheer audacity of the build. Our search began with a spin of the wheel to determine the genre, price, and destination. The verdict: luxury, £1500, and a road trip across the Channel. Initially, the options on the classifieds looked predictably troublesome. There was an £800 Chrysler 300C with a lazy 3.5-litre V6, a Cadillac BLS that stretched the definition of luxury to its absolute limit, and a severely dented Mercedes-Benz CLS that looked like it had been on the receiving end of a cannonball. A promising BMW 735i with a lumpy idle was ruled out simply because driving four hours north to collect it defeated the economics of a European road trip. Then, we found it: a 2006 Ford Dorchester limousine. Located nearby in Walsall, near Birmingham, it had eight seats, a massive 4.0-litre straight-six, an MOT, and an asking price that had plummeted to just £1250. It was the ultimate left-field choice—utilitarian, slightly grim, yet undeniably long and imposing. Running the Numbers Before the Wrenching Begins Before you hand over cash for any vehicle, you must check its history. We ran the registration through CarVertical to ensure this giant was not hiding a dark past. For a specialized vehicle like a limousine, the history is everything. The report came back with a score of 66 out of 100, which is respectable for a working vehicle. There were green ticks for finance, damage, and theft. Interestingly, the mileage graph showed a flatline between 2017 and 2018, which is common for vehicles used in the funeral trade that sit dormant or only cover short, solemn trips to local crematoriums. First registered in the UK in March 2006, this was a purpose-built Coleman Milne conversion. Knowing the history gives you the confidence to make the trip, especially when dealing with the high-stakes gamble of cheap passenger vehicles. A Test Drive Filled with Horror and Hope Arriving in Birmingham, the sheer scale of the Dorchester became apparent. The coachbuilder, Coleman Milne, had taken a standard vehicle and literally cut it in half, inserting a massive middle section to accommodate rear-facing middle seats and a cavernous passenger cabin. The owner was incredibly eager to sell, so much so that he insisted on a highly detailed, line-by-line contract stating the car was sold "with all faults" and with no warranties whatsoever. As we left the driveway, he reportedly muttered, "Thank God that headache is over." He was not wrong. Within seconds of pulling away, an atrocious, metal-on-metal scraping noise filled the cabin. It sounded less like a worn wheel bearing and more like a brake disc about to shear off completely. The steering wheel, which felt like it had been lifted straight out of a Ford Transit, vibrated heavily. The tires were shockingly neglected: the front passenger tire was 13 years old and holding just 17 PSI. Despite the terrifying noises and the flat tires, the Dorchester possessed strange charms. The air conditioning blew ice-cold in the front, the electric windows operated with surprising vigor, and the wooden steering wheel trim offered a touch of genuine class. The Anatomy of a Coachbuilt Cut-and-Shut To understand what we had bought, we got the Dorchester up on the lift the following morning. This is where the true engineering of a limousine reveals itself. Underneath, you can clearly see the physical welds where Coleman Milne sliced the original chassis in two. Because of the extreme length, the drivetrain requires unique solutions. Instead of a standard single-piece driveshaft, this limousine features a complex, three-piece propeller shaft linked by multiple center support bearings. If you have ever experienced a driveline vibration in a long-wheelbase vehicle, you know that even a tiny amount of play in these joints or the rubber donuts will create a massive harmonic shudder at highway speeds. Our vibration was undoubtedly linked to these tired driveline components. Moreover, the brakes were in a shocking state. The brake discs looked like they had been dredged from the bottom of the ocean, heavily pitted and rusted. However, the structural rust on the chassis was surprisingly minimal. Aside from some bubbling on the rear wheel arches and door bottoms, the main structural members, fuel lines, and brake lines were clean and dry. Unlocking the Australian Muscle Under the Hood Now, let us talk about the best part of this machine: the engine. The Dorchester is powered by the legendary Ford Barra 4.0-litre straight-six engine. Originally designed and manufactured by Ford Australia for the Falcon, this motor is a masterpiece of robust engineering. Enthusiasts down under regularly tune these engines to produce absurd horsepower using stock internals. Even in its naturally aspirated, base-model form, this engine features dual Variable Cam Timing (VCT), allowing it to breathe exceptionally well across the rev range. It produces a healthy 250 to 260 horsepower. To unleash a bit of that sound, we removed the stock airbox and fitted a giant cone filter originally destined for a Range Rover. Under load, the transformation was spectacular. The intake honk of the massive straight-six suddenly sounded like an old BMW M3. We loaded the car with five people to test its performance under load and set off. The Dorchester accelerated with shocking urgency, screaming through first gear all the way to 55 mph. The Road to Belgium Awaits With £250 left in our original £1500 budget, we have just enough room to add some essential road trip modifications. We need to address the basic safety issues—namely, replacing those ancient tires and cleaning up the brakes—before we attempt to drive this giant to Belgium. Buying a cheap limousine is a ridiculous, impractical endeavor. But once you look past the grim exterior and appreciate the robust engineering of the Australian Barra engine underneath, it is hard not to love this lumbering beast. The journey across the Channel will test every single weld on this cut-and-shut frame, but that is exactly why we wrench.