The Four Agreements

Life often feels like a series of overwhelming waves crashing against a shore that never has time to dry. Between the demands of a career, the weight of global headlines, and the quiet internal battles we fight, it is easy to lose your footing. We often give away our power not through one giant catastrophe, but through the slow erosion of our boundaries and the loud, persistent voice of our inner critic. Alice Walker, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author of The Color Purple, once noted that the most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any. This exploration is about reclaiming that strength by shifting the internal script from defeat to resilience. These seven reminders serve as emotional jumper cables to jolt you back into the driver's seat of your own life. 1. Kindness Does Not Require Self-Sacrifice You can be a kind person with a good heart and still tell people to go away when you need to. Many of us confuse kindness with being a human doormat. We say yes to the extra shift, the school volunteer commitment, or the friend who only calls when they need to vent, all while our own tank is flashing red. This isn't true kindness; it is a fear of disappointment. When you prioritize everyone else's happiness at the expense of your own peace, you aren't being nice—you are being dishonest about your capacity. Boundaries are not walls meant to keep people out; they are the gates that protect your energy so you can actually show up for the people who matter most. Saying no is a complete sentence and a vital act of self-respect. 2. You Are in Survival Mode, Not Lazy One of the most damaging lies we tell ourselves is that our exhaustion is actually laziness. When you feel like you can't get off the couch or struggle to respond to a simple email, your brain often labels it as a character flaw. However, as Dr. Aditi Nerurkar explains, stress is a physiological state that hijacks the brain's ability to be proactive. If you only have 40% to give today and you give all 40%, you have technically given 100% of your available capacity. Beating yourself up while you are already struggling is like screaming at a car because it's out of gas. Instead of judgment, you need recovery. Survival mode is reactive by design; it is your body’s way of keeping you safe during periods of high overwhelm. Recognizing this shifts the focus from 'what is wrong with me' to 'what does my body need to heal.' 3. The Universal Weight of the Human Experience It is easy to believe you are the only one struggling while everyone else has it figured out. In reality, everyone is going through a tough time right now. Even the people with the most polished social media feeds or the widest smiles are carrying burdens you cannot see. When you realize that the rude driver or the withdrawn coworker is likely fighting an invisible battle, it becomes easier to lead with compassion. More importantly, it helps you take things less personally. This universal struggle is the glue that connects us. By extending kindness to others despite your own pain, you signal to your brain that life hasn't taken your values or your heart. You remain a person who can make a positive difference even in a dumpster fire of a moment. 4. Measuring Progress Through a Two-Year Lens We are often so focused on the 'gap' between where we are and where we want to be that we forget the 'gain' of how far we've come. You may not be everything you want to be yet, but you are likely many things you dreamed of being two years ago. Whether it's a new habit, a professional milestone, or simply the fact that you outgrew a toxic relationship, that is tangible progress. Growth is rarely a 'ta-da' moment; it is a slow, messy evolution. Looking back at your life from twenty-four months ago provides the receipts for your resilience. You are not at your final form, and that is okay. Life is about the process of becoming, and validating your current progress is the fuel required to keep going. 5. The Freedom of Taking Nothing Personally Don Miguel Ruiz famously outlined this in his seminal work, The Four Agreements. Taking nothing personally is one of the healthiest habits you can develop. Most of what people do and say has nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own projections, insecurities, and stress levels. If a friend cancels, it's often about their overwhelm, not your worth. If a boss is short with you, it's usually about their pressure, not your competence. When you adopt the Let Them Theory, you stop auditioning for the approval of people who are too distracted to give it. You allow others to be who they are without letting their internal weather dictate your emotional climate. 6. The Necessity of Goodbyes Becoming the best version of yourself requires a high volume of goodbyes. This doesn't just mean cutting people out of your life; it means saying goodbye to versions of yourself that no longer serve you. You have to say goodbye to the version of you that was a doormat to make room for the version of you that has boundaries. You have to say goodbye to the comfort of your current habits to welcome the growth of new ones. Evolution is a process of shedding. If you try to carry your old life into your new one, you'll find the suitcase is too heavy to move. These goodbyes aren't failures; they are the space-clearing events necessary for a new chapter to begin. 7. The Invisible Clock and the Urgency of Joy There is a clock ticking that none of us can see. While that sounds morbid, it is actually the ultimate clarifier. Dr. Karl Pillemer has spent years studying the regrets of those in their final stages of life, and the results are consistent: people rarely regret what they did, but they deeply regret what they left unsaid and undone. We suffer from 'temporal discounting,' the belief that we will have more time, more energy, or better circumstances later. But later is a mirage. Remembering the ticking clock forces you to love the people who love you now and to enjoy your life today. It shifts the perspective from 'someday' to 'today,' encouraging you to hug your kids tighter, start that project, and stop wasting energy on petty arguments that won't matter in five years. Conclusion: Your Mojo is a Choice These seven reminders act as weapons against playing small. They are designed to shift your mindset from a state of victimhood to one of agency. You are not broken, and you are not behind; you are a work in progress in a world that is currently very loud and very heavy. Take these sentences, write them down, and place them where you can see them. When you change the way you look at your boundaries, your energy, and your time, the world around you begins to change in response. You have the power to create a better life, and it starts with the story you tell yourself today.