Sexton: most marriages fail because of money and lack of prenups

Marriage is the most significant financial contract the average person will ever sign, yet we approach it with less due diligence than a used car purchase.

, a veteran divorce attorney in New York, argues that the romanticized version of marriage often blinds couples to the underlying economic and legal realities. In a recent discussion on

ProfG Markets

,

Scott Galloway

and Sexton explored the crumbling architecture of modern relationships. The data is sobering: 60 years ago, 75% of 25-year-olds were married. Today, that number has cratered to less than 25%.

This shift isn't just a social evolution; it’s a market disruption. When the primary economic incentive for marriage—stability and shared resources—is undermined by high divorce rates and financial mismanagement, the "product" of marriage becomes a high-risk asset. Sexton, who has spent 25 years on the front lines of failed unions, views marriage through a lens of risk management. He suggests that while a good marriage is the ultimate life hack for wealth and happiness, a bad one is a catastrophic liability that can liquidate decades of growth.

The Financial Underpinnings of Marital Decay

Money is rarely just about the currency; it is a proxy for security and trust. Sexton notes that economic instability is a leading indicator of divorce, particularly when it affects the male partner’s role as a provider. When a man loses his job, the statistical likelihood of divorce spikes. This isn't necessarily because of materialism, but because of the symbolic weight money carries. For those who grew up with scarcity, money represents peace and safety. When that safety is threatened, the relationship often follows.

points out that money management is the second leading cause of divorce, trailing only behind infidelity. Sexton agrees but adds a layer of complexity: people often go bankrupt and get divorced in the same manner—very slowly, then all at once. Small financial friction points accumulate over years. A hidden credit card here, a disagreement over an investment there—eventually, a single event, like a job loss or a significant market downturn, acts as the final indignity that breaks the contract.

Red Flags and Polarities

Sexton warns that the very traits that draw people together—the "barefoot in the park" free spirit versus the "OCD" disciplined professional—often become the primary sources of antagonism after the honeymoon phase. This polarity feels like a perfect balance during the dating phase but transforms into a friction point when navigating a shared bank account or co-parenting responsibilities. If a couple cannot have a difficult, uncomfortable conversation about these differences before the wedding, they have no business signing a legal document that binds their futures.

The Prenuptial Mandate and the State’s Default Contract

One of the most provocative claims

makes is that every marriage already has a prenuptial agreement. If you don't write your own, you are effectively signing a default contract written by the state legislature. This is a gamble on the competence of the government. Sexton asks why any rational person would trust a state legislature—people who can change the rules of your contract without your consent—over their chosen partner.

Wealthy entrepreneurs and VCs understand the importance of clear terms in a partnership. Marriage should be no different. A prenuptial agreement isn't a sign of distrust; it’s an exercise in safety. Sexton argues that you cannot feel loved if you do not feel safe. By addressing fears—such as the fear of losing a business or the fear of being left financially destitute after sacrificing a career for the family—couples can build a foundation of transparency. Dealing with the "what if" scenarios while you still like each other is the only way to ensure a civilized outcome if the relationship dissolves.

The Yours, Mine, and Ours Framework

For managing day-to-day finances, Sexton advocates for a modular approach: the "yours, mine, and ours" system. This allows for a shared economic life while preserving individual autonomy. Relationships are

. If the "we" section consumes the "you" and "me," the relationship loses the very individuals that made it work in the first place. Privacy in spending and autonomy in personal financial growth are essential for long-term satisfaction.

Digital Disruption and the Infidelity Machine

Technology has shifted the landscape of monogamy. Sexton describes

and

Instagram

as "infidelity-generating machines." In the past, flirting required physical proximity and social risk. Today, the digital age allows for private, high-frequency micro-infidelities right next to a spouse on the couch. We are primates living with god-like technology, and our ancient brains are not wired to handle the endless stream of "greatest hits" from other people's lives while we are experiencing our own "gag reels."

This constant comparison creates a persistent sense of dissatisfaction. We see curated images of "blessed" couples and feel our own relationships are inadequate, unaware that those same couples might be in a lawyer's office the next morning. The transparency provided by social media is an illusion that frequently masks deep-seated marital rot.

Implications for Future Stability

The economic implications of these trends are vast. As fewer young people marry and have children, the long-term growth of the economy faces a demographic headwind. However, there is a silver lining.

suggests that because young people are waiting longer to marry and are more likely to enter the union on equal economic footing, future divorce rates may actually decline. Education and age are the best predictors of marital success; those who marry after 25 and hold college degrees are significantly more likely to stay together.

Waiting to marry isn't just about maturity; it's about perspective. It allows individuals to build their own "capital"—both emotional and financial—before merging it with another's. In a world of high-octane disruption, the most successful "startups" might be those that treat marriage not as a romantic whim, but as a strategic, long-term partnership built on radical honesty and clear contractual boundaries.

Summary of the New Marital Landscape

The takeaway for the modern entrepreneur is clear: treat your personal life with the same visionary rigor you apply to your business. Identify the risks, communicate the terms, and don't rely on the government to manage your most precious assets. Marriage remains a high-stakes bet, but it's one that can be optimized through preparation and transparency. If you win, the payoff is unparalleled. If you lose, at least you have a map of the wreckage. The future of relationships belongs to the authentic, the communicative, and the prepared.